pain demands (to be felt)
by Cruelest Silence
Summary: Her eyes drank in the stars and the billowing grey behemoths in the sky that cradled the moons swollen berth in their embrace. She gently raised the flower to her mouth, testing the flesh of the petals with her teeth. A mild taste came from the break of the petals flesh, not food, but she wanted to know this beauty through and through.
1. Chapter 1

Fingertips reveled in the soft satin of the lily's petals. Stark, but yet demure, they rivaled the luminescence of the full moon above. The crater in the trunk of the maple tree seemed an unlikely home for such delicate flowering to take root. As she gently cradled the lily in the crux of her fingers, she noted that it wasn't attached. A pause as her pupils dilated to focus on the stamen, the little hairs ensnaring tiny droplets of dew. A simultaneous lifting of fingers and an intake of breath, the girls heard falling back in wonder as the scent was overwhelmingly unfamiliar, nothing in her small existence had held likeliness, it caused a small pang in her heart. Her eyes drank in the stars and the billowing grey behemoths in the sky that cradled the moons swollen berth in their embrace. She gently raised the flower to her mouth, testing the flesh of the petals with her teeth. A mild taste came from the break of the petals flesh, not food, but she wanted to know this beauty through and through.

She felt the voice breaking her reverie before she actually heard it. "Octavia!" a deep voice called out into the darkness after her, not quite yelling but stern in its tone. Teeth found purchase in her lower lip as she reluctantly pulled her gaze from the night sky. This was the beginning of their first night on earth, just hours ago she passed through those same stars to get here. She was one of the hundred, and the voice calling out to her was trying to remind her that she couldn't just wander off as they knew nothing of this wondrous place. If everything was as precious as that lily, she would happily spend the rest of her days finding them and locking the memories forever in her mind.

"Octavia!" the voice persisted lowly, the slight shifting of foliage giving way the few feet of distance between her and them. She slipped the lily into the over-sized pocket of her vinyl jacket, and then swiveled on her heel to greet the owner of the voice. A tall male entered her visage, his eyes; the color of the tree trunks surrounding them, boring into her even at said distance.

"Did you not hear me calling for you?" The male asked as she slowly stepped toward him, trying to keep a mask of indifference on her face, "I do not want you out here in the woods when we know nothing of what could be lurking in the shadows," he added not caring that she hadn't responded to him. He reached out to grab her arm to guide her back to their makeshift camp, but she danced back a step to avoid his touch.

The male sighed, "Let's go then," huffing at her lack of accepting his touch. It had been years before today that she had been allowed his presence but yet she would not hug him in greeting or let him even touch her, it puzzled him but he did not know her and she no longer knew him. She couldn't help but let her lip curl in a slight snarl when he reached for her, what was it with people thinking that they could just physically grab someone by the arm or hand and make them blindly follow?

Leaves and twigs cloaked in darkness, crunched beneath her boots as she followed the male back down the path she had made just moments ago. To most it wouldn't be noticeable, but she knew of all people, her _brother_ knew how to track. The noises that only a group of people could make soon reached her ears, as uninterested as she was in them; she felt a small drawing of sentiment stir in her heart. Perhaps it was foolish for her to throw caution to the wind, but the kids that were milling about their camp stood very little chance at surviving alone.

They weren't _listening._

They were rampant in their arrogance by feeling untouchable. They didn't pay attention to the cooling touches of the breeze on their skin, slightly clinging with the promise of rain. They weren't looking into the trees, eyes never glancing upon the movement of _life._ She cast a gaze up to her brother, knowing that regardless of their distant stance of being siblings, she would stand by him to help them all alive.

.:.

Slowly, her brother gained control of the camp, instructing small groups to simple enough tasks that the dim light of the single campfire would allow. He knew it was risky enough as it was to have a fire, but until everything was in order, they had to work quickly and quietly. Octavia was assigned to the group that was currently sorting out their bags of supplies, which, the ones in the sky were definitely not wasting their own supplies on a flip of a coin mission. She peered over to the large metal contraption that had been their transport into this world. A blonde female was pulling out tarps from the storage chamber beneath the drop ship, instructing her small group to pull out the long fiber poles that could be bent to hold shape. There were a few people closer to the fire, their tasks needing the optimum light. They were carefully skinning twigs down to thinner, short points. Octavia had earlier given them a single spool of thread because the plan was to crudely sew together tents from the tarp so there was at least some protection from the elements and other things they could only imagine.

In the midst of counting the gauze from the medical supply bag, a secondhand movement flickered in the corner of her eye. As she turned, her gaze automatically flit towards it, her eyes catching sight of something else; a spot of white peering from the darkness. The textured vinyl of the bag she held slipped from her fingers, as her body seemed to move of its own accord. Voices that surrounded her ebbed into a dull roar into the back of her mind as her feet pulled her forward. She cast a conspicuous gaze behind her, already knowing that no one was paying any mind. The thatch of trees ahead of her hung deeper shadows than the night itself, almost too inviting for her body to simply disappear.

A soft exhale of breath was distinguished amongst the sounds of the night, the soft petals of the lily against her fingertips causing a sensation of wonderment. There was no cradle in the tree, just the coarse dirt below its petals; a thoughtless resting spot for such beauty. She stole a quick inhale at the deepest folds of the lily's petals, the smell reminding her of a fuzzy summer day that she had yet to experience. Octavia shoved her hands into her pockets, squared her shoulders and let the shadows pull her away from the dim camp.

She questioned herself in rare moments of life around her, goosebumps trailing up the soft skin of her forearms. Fear was something familiar; fear was the thing that kept her alive, kept her from being careless. But wasn't that what she was being now? Her inner monologue died in a few steps when the almost familiar vision of white glowed in the luminescence of the moons gaze upon it and the large stone it lay upon. It was almost a fairy tale, the lily being presented to her in the most subtle yet most showcasing of lights. It simply shone with the most beautiful iridescence, not that of a diamond, but like a rock with tiny dustings of glitter when the sun hit it at a particular angle. Stepping up to the stone would mark the tenth minute of the walk away from camp, if she were to have to run back...it would be a long journey, as fear tended to exaggerate time. Gluttony perhaps tinged her veins as her booted foot took a step forward; the creak of a twig however, was not caused by her own being.

Octavia froze mid-step, her fingers pausing mid unfurl. Life suddenly pounded in her ears, all she could hear were the low hums of insects and the soft tickling of leaves. A low howl in the distance caressed the hairs on the back of her neck, her entire body vibrating in a shiver. The final snap of the twig made her count to three slowly in her head before she took the plunge and turned her body towards the sound; a soft exhale in the place of a would be startled exclamation of, "Oh."

The shadows that once hung enticingly at her from her camp; a soft promise of solace, now a bitter cold dousing of reality for in their depths was a crouching humanesque figure. Octavia in the moment felt like the most timid of prey, the strength that she drew from fear for once eluding her. She didn't even bother to whisper her brother's name for she knew it was not him _hunting_ her.

The flowers, in the back of her mind she knew had made her predictable. Like a child in the garden, she couldn't help but be captivated to follow the white rabbit. She couldn't even draw a full breath, her lungs constricting in the most liberating of ways. She for once, was paralyzed by fear, but yet it was as clarifying as ever, she wasn't losing her sense. Instead of running, Octavia held her ground, her puffs of breath taking a smoky shape in the moon light. Her thighs quivered in the effort to hold still as the figure seemed to unfold from the darkness, limbs taking shape in the soft light.

Octavia's eyes tilted up and up and up, the figure seeming to tower over her as it stepped closer. A cloud took mercy on her and shifted, the moons protective gaze giving light to a face. Black eyes stared down at her, seemingly lost in the jagged darkness that streaked down their face. Long eyelashes trapped her in the blackness of their stare, full lips parting to allow a suspended cloud of breath trickle from between them. One beat, two beats and then she was jarred into movement.

Fight or flight kicked in as her knee gave out, her body either falling or bolting. She chose the latter. Octavia's body jerked in a fear ridden dance as she used her momentum towards the ground to propel her into a forward motion. Her toes dug into the ground as her body strained to right itself and lurch into a run. She caught purchase and pushed off, legs tight in their stretch to get her to safety.

She ran.

She ran with her heart in her throat, almost choking her with the inability to draw proper breath. She waiting for something to take her out, something to grab her and fling her to the ground, pressing her into the dirt with its weight.

But nothing came. Relief cut a jagged, gaping hole in her chest when the innocent glow of the camps fire came into her view. It coaxed her faster, her legs aching with the effort to keep her upright with their strong strides, even though her terrain threatened to take her out before she arrived. She remained too hopeful however, a root seemed to have a mind of its own to arch up and snag her toe causing her to lurch forward and skid to a stop on the front of her body. She choked on her breath as sticks and rocks scraped down her chest as her momentum came to a halt.

Her fingers curled in the dewy soil as she tried to force her body to come out of its currently paused state on the ground. She blew tiny chunks of earth from her inner lip, her teeth then bared as she pushed herself back up. White caught her eye as she rose, the toe of her boot having trapped half of her earlier pocketed lily beneath it. She didn't pause any longer, feeling slight remorse later for having digging the toe of her boot harder into the soil, gaining purchase and yet crushing the lily further as she ran the last few feet into the camp.

Moments later, as she sat on the log near the fire struggling to keep her breathing a steady neutral as to not give anything away, she couldn't help but picture the cracks marring the lily's once perfect surface. An emotion surged up her throat, a familiar burning gathering behind her eyes. She swallowed past it and picked up the forgotten pack on the ground, fingers listlessly pulling items from it. She was not to cause alarm, especially by telling her brother that she had wandered from camp. She didn't want to tell him the truth as he would lecture her about how it wasn't safe out here, what was she thinking? She could have gotten killed by an animal or falling into a hole. She couldn't tell him the truth that would cause him to pause with a stricken look taking over his face as she told him what he would fear the most, but not expect.

They were not alone.


	2. Chapter 2

A ray of sunshine shone through a small hole in the tarp, its gaze landing on the closed eyes of Octavia Blake. The skin between her eyebrows creased, dots starting to float the darkness of her closed vision. She fitfully jerked her head to the side, stilling with a soft exhale of gratitude for the shadows that hid her face. Distantly, the camp around her rose from their makeshift tents, the scent of a dying fire snaking into her nostrils. She huffed, torqueing her body sideways to throw her leg and arm over a mound of blanket. She winced as her back gave a slight crack, sleeping on the ground at its finest.

She told herself at the moment to bring it up to her brother about finding a way to make their living arrangements a bit more comfortable. She remembered a time when she was a little girl that she had read about Native Americans. Animals had been detrimental to their survival. They were clothes, shelter, food, and not to mention countless tools. If these people that she lived with did not get their shit together, than they would not survive the winter. When all the berries shriveled up, when the ground became hard with frost and snow and they couldn't plant anything what would they eat? Not that Octavia knew of this of course, they had no seasons from where she came from, she only knew of history of this place. Winter was the scariest season; it picked people off one by one. Summer was the double edged sword, because it was just as deadly in the wrong conditions. What she wouldn't give right now for a pelt of fur to cradle her body. She wrinkled her nose at that thought, unsure of how she would react to having to kill an animal for something as her bedding.

She huffed, clenching her abdominals as pulled herself up into a seated position, wincing as her chest flared with a brief burn. She hesitated for a moment, remembering how exactly she hurt her chest. Her head tilted down, fingers pulling her black t-shirt up to expose her chest. Red scrapes that started at her collarbones and intermittently ended on the tops of her breasts stood out stark against her skin. Scabbed unevenly, slight moisture was beginning to seep from a few cracks and around the scabs themselves. It was clear, not pus, but she had to weigh her options. Either she went to the blonde girl named Clark, to have her put some salve on it and basically have to explain to her and to her brother about the way she got hurt, she would have to steal the salve, or she could just ignore the problem and hope for the best.

Octavia chose the route of being blissfully unaware, well, maybe not blissfully because it twinged something fierce. She tugged her shirt down, making sure to pull the fabric as far away from her body as possible. She eased up off the ground, stifling a groan as her body protested any sudden movements. She reached out and shoved back the flap of the tent, temporarily blinded by the sun. Sun, she paused; she had never felt its rays on her body before, only observed its warmth from afar. It felt so wonderfully warm and promising; she couldn't help but turn her face up to it and absorb such offering. The moment was short lived however as she was slightly jostled, her eyes flew open as they locked onto the dark ones of her brothers.

They reminded her of last night. She scowled and his face slightly dropped at the expression, clearly overestimating their relationship.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, in his extending hand was a white packet, filled with the sponge-like squares of 'food.' Octavia grimaced for a fleeting moment, her mouth salivating at the possibility of food that she had only read about in her books. Fresh fruit, vegetables and oh how she wanted to try meat. Her body was too lean to be considered healthy, so she was more excited to taste berries and start to gain a bit of weight.

"Not for that shit," she responded, fingers reaching out to grasp the packet anyway. She gripped the corner with her teeth and tore it open, fingers reaching for the first of 4 squares.

"A select few of us are going to scout the terrain nearest camp, hopefully we can start finding bits of earth food," he said as they walked closer to the center of camp. She forced herself to swallow down the bite that she had taken, the sponge tasting bitter as it slid down her throat.

"I'm going," she responded, unceremoniously shoving the rest of the food into her mouth.

Her brother looked at her, his lips already parting to protest when a voice cut him off.

"Bellamy!" the blonde girl known as Clark called out as she jogged up to them. "We are going to take Ambrose with us, she is probably the best bet when it comes to finding food out there," she said as she regarded Octavia with a questioning look, but Octavia refused to feel the scrutiny. Table manners didn't exist in her world.

"Great, let me get my pack and we'll be on the way. I did read about earth food before Bellamy, I'm sure between myself and Ambrose, we won't come back empty handed tonight," Octavia said before walking back towards her tent to gather her things, making sure to put the knife that her mother had given her was tucked carefully into the sheath in her back pocket. She would figure out a better holster later.

.::.

"Look Bell!" Octavia murmured in a soft awe, her fingers plucking green spheres from the ground, "they're walnuts!"

Octavia peeled the cracked green husk away from the brown shell on the inside. "All we have to do is dry these in the sun for a few hours and then they'll be ready to eat!" Bellamy nodded to the others and that set them to task to pick up as many spheres as they could within a few minutes time.

A sudden loud halting noise entered their proximity, causing everyone to freeze and look towards the noise. Bellamy reacted in seconds, his hands raising up a gun directed at a four foot tall, black beast that tusks were nearly as long as Octavia's' forearm. A snorting snarl rang out, the only forewarning before the creature charged. No one moved, it seemed like they were stuck on pause, watching a movie playing out before their eyes. One, two, three shots exploded somewhere from behind Octavia, Bellamy having sent three bullets into the beast. It fell short of Ambrose, body scraping against the ground at the favor of momentum, a high keen escaping its throat before it lay silent. Octavia couldn't help the tears that came to her eyes as she straightened her body and just simply looked at the beast. Yes, it was going to attack them, but she didn't want it to die either. She thought back to this morning, when she had wanted to eat meat, but now that it was lying before her, she suddenly couldn't stomach the thought of cutting it open and eating it. She felt almost as though she should be more reverent, offer some type of thanks to the earth or maybe an 'I'm sorry' for intruding on the life on earth and killing things when they were just living naturally. This was their territory, not hers.

Bellamy lowered his gun before holstering it, his eyes quickly jumping between bodies to make sure that everyone wasn't about to pass out. He surveyed the land around them before he nodded to Miller. Six other individuals gathered around the beast, waiting for Bellamy to tie the hog's feet together and see what he wanted them to do. He instructed a couple of them to look in the nearby terrain for a fallen but sturdy branch that they could use to carry the beast. As they set out to that task, Octavia avoided going near the dead animal, choosing instead to look at the different bushes that surrounded them. She didn't go out of eyesight of Bellamy, she told herself that it was just to save the argument of her wandering off, but in reality she was still a bit shaken from the night before.

When the two came back, they had a long branch that was covered in a sort of moss. It looked heavy, but between the 8 of them, they should be able to manage the mile or so back to camp. They rigged up the pig to the branch and with a sort of hope they lifted, almost wincing as they expected it to snap with the weight. When it held, a breath of relief but also slight huffy because a mile was a long trek with such a heavy load. Octavia jogged ahead, her eyes scouring the terrain for anything hiding from first glance. She did a double take, eyes catching on long shoots of grass by a tree.

She bounded over to the tree and dropped into a crouch, her fingers reaching out to gently graze the grass like plants. She carefully wrapped her fingers around the base of the shoots and pulled, wiggling slightly to loosen the dirt around the base. Finally, she pulled up a little harder and out came a white bulb the size of a lightbulb, the correlation coming from times spent with Raven.

 _Onions._

The word rang out singularly in her head, her face pulling into a smile. Jackpot.

"Bellamy!" she called with excitement, her fingers greedily reaching for more of the long shoots.

"We need to gather as many of these as we can find! They're medicinal and they're food!" Octavia explained as Bellamy pulled one from her fingers, wincing and jerking it away from his face as the pungent smell seared his nostrils.

"Are you sure you're not confusing this…awful smelling thing, with an onion? It's horrible Octavia and I sure as hell am not putting this shit into my pack," Bellamy questioned, his eyebrow rising at her enthusiastic nod.

"Quit being a baby and help me pull these beauties out!" Octavia bossed, her hands moving quicker.

As soon as all the shoots were pulled, they had a few dozen onions stuffed into Octavia's pack, which she had sacrificed with a roll of her eyes.

"Remind me not to take up the rear of the pack, can't let you babies handle my life decisions," Octavia teased, swinging the pack onto her back as she jumped up and down a few quick times to get the contents adjusted. She turned towards camp, almost tripping on her own feet as a scream pierced the air. Before her eyes, Monclova disappeared into the ground beneath his feet.


End file.
